


you'll never see me biting on a rose

by orphan_account



Category: K-pop, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Break Up Talk, Complicated Relationships, F/M, Love, No Smut, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Past Relationship(s), Unhealthy Relationships, drabble kind of, i don't think this will have any smut, i want to make it clear that there will be healing, it's not just all angst, like literally this starts with so much angst, vent fic, yoongi has cheated on someone in the past n stuff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-16
Updated: 2020-01-16
Packaged: 2021-02-27 03:53:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,513
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22280617
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: The rain was so heavy it washed over the windows in waves. Neither of you had even bothered to turn the lights on when you came in, too angry to focus. It draped the room in a sheet of grey, the visual representation of the mood, ironically. Due to the time of year, it was almost always rainy and the skies remained dull. You associated it with the stutter of your relationship. Although, this may be more than just a stutter. It may be a stop.orYou love Yoongi and Yoongi loves you. But it was too soon.
Relationships: Min Yoongi | Suga & Reader, Min Yoongi | Suga/You
Kudos: 2





	you'll never see me biting on a rose

**Author's Note:**

> hi please READ THIS before you start reading the fic. so, i know a lot of people were counting on me to update my last fic and it's been forever. i just have had a really hard time finding motivation and i've been struggling with writer's block. not to mention everything that's going on in my personal life.
> 
> this fic is solely to help with that. i know it may not make much sense as of now and i cannot guarantee that i will put my full focus on it. it simply exists to work my imagination and creativity 
> 
> ps. this fic has many inspirations. to name two: biting on a rose by mother mother and stuck with me by the neighborhood

There was a look in his eyes that you could never quite decipher, even having known and loved him for years. You could only predict the feelings swelling and mixing with his thoughts. A testament to how much you did know him, inside and out, by his bullshit and through his bullshit.

"It's not like I want us to move in together, christ," you said, worn out. He has to give you something. Throw you a bone, toss you a lifeline. "I can't be the only one working to keep us together."

The rain was so heavy it washed over the windows in waves. Neither of you had even bothered to turn the lights on when you came in, too angry to focus. It draped the room in a sheet of grey, the visual representation of the mood. Due to the time of year, it was almost always rainy and the skies remained dull. You associated it with the stutter of your relationship. Although, this may be more than just a stutter. It may be a stop.

Time had changed both of you. Your feelings, you feared, had always been too strong. Or at least, stronger than his. You never wanted to ask, get confirmation. It was embarrassing to need it, to need him to return the pure care. You know he does, but how much? He surely isn't helping that hovering insecurity with the way he's been these past few months.

"I can't be inside your head, either. I try," you give a weak smile. Bleeding yourself to give him enough.

He's blank. You know better than to take it as it is. Sure enough, the shadow of grey hues and raindrops cast across his pearly skin, he speaks. "I'm fucking it up."

It simultaneously shocks you and doesn't faze you. Stomach swirling uneasily, you feel foolish. Of course it was too soon. Too fast. Yoongi wasn't ready for this, not yet. But you were greedy and he was vulnerable, he needed to be needed. You were so willing to give everything you had if it meant he was okay, if he was just happy again. You'll never forget talking to him that day, a ghost of a man you once knew. Your memories of him were filled with laughter and jokes to pass the time. The man you met after the absence of contact was new, solemn and constantly struggling, tired and 100 years older. Not literally, but you were sure those dim eyes belonged to someone dozens of years away. It was hard to believe this was just him, the young Yoongi you felt so affectionately for.

"Hey..." you say softly. It's your fault. You never should've jumped at opportunity. You can't spiral now, not when you know he's right in front of you, thinking so badly of himself in his head. "I'm not-- it's not the end of the world. I'm not like the girls in the past. You're not fucking it up, nothing is ruined. You know you're gonna have to try real hard to get rid of me."

It's the truth, maybe for the wrong reasons. Is it because you care so much? Or is it because you want him so much? Do those things go hand in hand? You wouldn't know.

There is a meaningful silence that stretches on after that. Your chest tightens. It's not a good sign, never is a good sign when the two of you talk like this and he responds so shortly. It means he's in his head, his worst enemy. You know him well.

_"Honestly?" Yoongi had peeked up, a little sheepish and giddy. It was the happiest he'd looked since you saw him that day, after showing up so serious and somber. It made your heart race, your lips pulled into a smile. "When I saw your text, I don't know. The biggest grin stretched onto my face. A real one, too."_

_If you had thought your heart was beating hard, by god, it was bursting out of your chest now. Did he have any idea how it makes you feel when he says things like that? You don't think he does_.

That's the moment you begin to get greedy, hungry for more. You want this feeling to take over, to sit for hours with him and tell each other nice things, laugh and hang around. You are so desperate for him to be okay, to be what he needs. There is the voice of logic in the back of your head that whispers to you, telling you he needs time to heal after what he's been through in the past year. Multiple relationships that either existed or ended so badly you were sure he had a talent for it. And you did _try_ to listen to the warnings and the knowledge. But you gave in to your passion so quickly, you were blind.

"I'm sorry. I know I always screw up a good thing. You deserve better, you always have. I've never been with anyone that is as good to me as you are. Even my old girlfriend, she was good to me and what did I do? I cheated and left."

"Listen," you said seriously, leaning forward to catch those distant eyes. God, always so sad. You thought maybe he only acted that way around you, or you just caught him at bad times. It didn't take long for one of his friends to confirm it. _"Yeah, he's been real quiet and sad for a while. That relationship messed him up, you know?"_ You didn't even need to prompt the guy.

"I'm not her, and you are not destined to repeat your mistakes." You paused for a minute, needing those two facts to really sink into his head. This was one of many talks the two of you have had, and it might be a broken record by now, but it's worth the reminder. "I want you to be happy. Wholeheartedly. If being happy means the end of us, then that's what needs to happen." A terrifying truth.

"No," he's quick to protest. It makes you want to be gleeful, prideful, but you can't tell what the reason for his refusal is. Is he not letting that happen because he doesn't want to lose you or because he wouldn't be happier that way? "I can't-- you have to stay. Even if we aren't together, I need you around. A lot. You're the only thing that keeps me happy most days."

You smiled faintly before you could help it, pain coloring the edges. You don't think that's healthy, to depend on a person this much for emotional support. It's true that, since reconnecting with him, you never saw him as happy as he was when he was with you. It's one of the biggest things that blinded you; being so obviously and outwardly enjoyed by someone you hold close. But something about that just seems off. A tear in the painting, a monster behind a mask, the sound of a single note going off-key.

"Maybe it shouldn't be that way." You said it. Jesus, you've felt that way for so long but refrained from saying it, because it's the truth. There is no point of return now. You've pointed out what will be the most solid reason for the ending of this relationship. Yoongi doesn't seem to understand what you mean, but that doesn't matter. It's still a fact. "You can't... I can't be the only source of life for you. I can't exist for two people. It's not healthy to depend like this. I know that sounds shitty, but I liked that you needed and wanted me around so much. In the beginning. Now I can see I was wrong. You have to figure out how to forgive yourself and sustain yourself before sharing it with me."

A definitive flicker of his eyes told you that he knew you were speaking the truth. He'd never been one to go against reason when it was presented to him like this, no matter how much his thoughts could take away reality. Another heavy silence settled like lead in your bones and adrenaline in your veins. Your ears were pulsing with every intense booming of your heart as you focused on fighting back the moisture in your eyes. The rain had slowed, still fit for flash flooding, but you could at least see the blurry outline of the street outside.

"...Is this really happening?"

You blinked.

You know what he means. It's obvious. Despite the fact that you are currently fucking breaking up, the tone of the night now is reassuring. Both of you had been so angry before, fire in your eyes and a finger raised at each other before you could raise one to yourselves. You'd somehow managed to regain your composure and remind yourself that you were two little people in this big world, told him to sit down so that you could talk like adults.

"Yes, Yoongi. It is."

A beat, and then, "It has to."


End file.
